Background
We are in mourning. We are in the middle of the 3 weeks, a period of mourning that leads up to and includes the 9th of Av, the saddest day in the Jewish calendar, the day that both the first and second Temples were destroyed. This year the fast of Tisha B’av will be next Wednesday night and Thursday. And we are still in exile, 2000 years later. The Talmud says a shocking statement “Any generation in which the Temple is not built, it is as if it had been destroyed in their lifetime” (Yerushalmi, Yoma 1:1). That’s a big statement that needs some unpacking.
Sinat Chinam (Pointless Hatred)
The Talmud delineates that the second Temple was destroyed because of an abundance of Sinat Chinam, pointless hatred. Too many Jews held onto hatred of their fellow Jews, rather than seeking reconciliation. And it tells us a story that was the nail in the coffin:
There was a wealthy man in Jerusalem who was making a huge banquet. And he asked his servant to invite his good friend Kamtza. The problem is that the servant accidentally brought the invitation to Bar Kamzta, who was an enemy of the wealthy man. Comes the day of the banquet and lo and behold the man sees Bar Kamtza there, and he tells him to leave. Bar Kamzta pleads with him not to throw him out, even offering to pay for the whole meal. The man grabbed him and threw him out, shaming him in front of everyone. Bar Kamtza was furious at what had happened and sent a message to Rome that the Jews were rebelling, and things went downhill from there.
We mentioned before that every generation in which the Temple is not rebuilt, it is as if the Temple was destroyed in their lifetime. The logic is pretty straightforward. If we were worthy as a nation the third Temple would be rebuilt. If the Temple is not here it means we are not yet deserving of it, which also means if it were here it would be destroyed. Which means we still have a lot of work to do to eliminate pointless hatred!
What are main reasons people don’t get along?
1) Someone rubs you the wrong way. You don’t like the way they look or act, etc.
2) You disagree with their opinions.
3) You got involved in an argument or fight.
4) They did something that hurt you.
What are the solutions?
#1 Rubs the wrong way: We’ve all know already that first impressions are almost always off. Give them time. What if he rubs you the wrong way even over time? I got my semicha (rabbinic ordination) from Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz. His program had 70 students in it. I once asked him ‘Rabbi, there are 70 people in this program. Some of them must rub you the wrong way?’ He answered that he ‘knows everyone is trying their best’. He chose to focus on the best in people. And most people have at least some positive qualities.
#2 Disagree with you: So what! Jews are opinionated and very stubborn! We fight it out, but it’s never personal. We take too many things personally. A friend of mine once said Rabbi Berkowitz a sharp email. He told me about it and I suggested it might be worth going over to the Rabbi and appologizing. He did, and Rabbi Berkowitz told him ‘no worries, it’s the message, not the messenger’. He didn’t take it personally. He saw it as just an issue that needed to be worked out between two people. The politics today are killing people. Everyone takes every debate and position personally, rather than just hashing out the issues.
#3 You got insulted: This is where we practice giving the benefit of the doubt. I once heard a story about someone who called his friend on the phone and was very upset by his cold attitude. His rabbi told him to check again, he probably dialed the wrong number, and that’s ultimately what had happened. I can think of another 100 stories like this, where many issues were just misunderstandings or not being aware of all the circumstances.
#4 Genuinely upset: Extend the olive branch. Like Aaron Hakohen, who would actively reach out to people to make peace. Bar Kamtza in the story above came to the meal! There’s no question that he thought that the wealthy man was extending an olive branch. Had Bar Kamtza been allowed to stay at the meal he very likely would have made peace and the temple would still be standing.
I came across such a beautiful story showing us the sensitivity necessary to properly deal with others.
At a wedding, a young Rebbe (a school teacher) turned to an older Rebbe and said ‘hello, do you remember me? I was in your class 30 years ago’. The older Rebbe said ‘ah yes, of course. What do you do now?’. ‘I’m a Rebbe as well, actually, I’m a Rebbe because of you’. Why? ‘I’ll remind you of a story that happened in the class. One day, one of my classmates came to the class with an expensive watch, and we were all jealous of him. When recess came he left it on his desk, and when he came back it was gone. You said ‘class, the watch is missing, but it wasn’t stolen. Rather, one of the students couldn’t contol his evil inclination and took it, but don’t worry because we are going to help him give it back. He lined up all the kids against the wall, instructed all of them to close their eyes, and one by one went through their pockets. Eventually, you got to me and took the watch out of my pocket. You kept going until you checked everyone, then you returned the watch and sent us back to our desks. You spared me great shame that day, and I said if that’s how a Rebbe acts, then I also want to be a Rebbe. Do you remember the story? Yes, I remember it now. Well, I have one more question for you: That day, I expected you to pull me aside and chastise me for what I did, but you didn’t. Each day I waited for it, but it never happened, and we all moved on. Why didn’t you confront me? And the old Rebbe said, the reason is simple… my eyes were also closed.
What an amazing story. I would love to meet this man one day. He is a master at dealing with people. To sum up what happened, he saw the good in every one of his students, judged them favorably, and would not allow himself to see something that could change how he felt about them. And that is the recipe for success. Always see the good in others, and treat them accordingly, and in that merit may we see the rebuilding of the 3rd Temple speedily in our time.
Sinat Chinam Part 2
The Talmud tells us that the 2nd Temple was destroyed because of one main transgression, sinat chinam, baseless hatred. And the Talmud lists two main stories that exemplified that hatred. One story involved Bar Kamtza accidentally being invited instead of Kamtza, which we described above.
The second story happened during the 3 year siege of Jerusalem. There were 3 rich men in the city who had enough wheat, barley, salt, oil, wine, and wood to keep them alive for 21 years. The Sages of the time were of the opinion that the they should make peace with the Romans, even if it meant paying more taxes. At least the city of Jerusalem and its inhabitants would survive. But there was a group called the ‘biryonim’ (the fighters) who said they should never give in and fight to the death. Rather than seeing this as a clash of philosophies they took it personally, and they lit the massive storehouses on fire, plunging Jerusalem into starvation and ultimately death and destruction.
The Talmud said above that if the Temple isn’t here yet, it’s because this issues are still very much alive today. Unfortunately that’s not hard to see, especially today. For the most part news and social media nowadays is fixated on gossip, conflict and cancel culture. Everything has become politicized and people on the other side are demonized and destroyed. That’s the environment we live in today, so what can we do about it?
The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (5:17) tells us what to do in this situation. It says any dispute for the sake of heaven, for truth, lasts forever, like the debates of the great sages Hillel and Shammai. And a dispute that isn’t for the sake of heaven leads to destruction, like Korach and his group of rebels. Judaism is a big fan of debate, look at the Talmud. It’s literally thousands of pages of debate, but it’s never personal.
May we use this time of real introspection to strengthen ourselves in this area of relationships with people.
Difficulties
While life is rich with many blessings, at times it can be very difficult and full of challenges. Sometimes we have tremendous highs, and sometimes tremendous lows. The question is how to navigate the lows? What is our mindset supposed to be when we fall on hard times?
One Tisha B’av, while I was sitting on the floor in mourning as per our custom, I was struck by an interesting question. The main prophet at the end of the 1st Temple era was Yirmiyah/Jeremiah. He tirelessly warned the Jews that time was running out, the Temple would be destroyed if they didn’t change. They didn’t listen, and he watched in anguish as he saw all of his prophecies come to life. He then wrote Megilath Eicha/Lamentations, one long bitter dirge moaning the utter chaos of that time. I’m not going to describe the tragedies he witnessed. Needless to say it’s an extremely depressing and haunting read. But here’s the strange part: Eicha is actually one of the holy books of the Tanach, which means it was written with a prophetic spirit. Yet, [based on a Gemara (שבת ל:)] the Rambam/Maimonides writes אין הנבואה שורה מתוך עצבות אלא מתוך שמחה (יסה”ת ז’,ד’), that prophecy can only be experienced in a state of happiness and not sadness. So if Yirmiyah was feeling such intense sadness, how was he able to radiate with prophecy and write Eicha?
The commentators explain that we need to go a little deeper. Why is it that prophecy cannot be experienced in a state of sadness? It’s because part of that sadness stems from the feeling that G-d abandoned him, and that the experience was completely unnecessary and unfair. This feeling creates a wedge, a block, between him and G-d, and therefore he can’t fully connect to G-d on a prophetic level. Yirmiyah was different. He was witnessing a catastrophe, and he was experiencing pain and anguish. But deep down he knew that there was a purpose to all of it, somehow this was for the best. Despite the sadness, he had complete trust in G-d, so he was able to write all of his heartache while still being connected to the infinite.
When we are hit with difficulties, we can always look to Yirmiyah to know how to move forward. The pain and sadness is real, and we can feel it. But at the same time, we know that there is a deep and hidden purpose to all of it. We should try to figure out what that purpose is, but we won’t always have all the answers. That has always been the Jewish way, we trust G-d, we know that He knows what He’s doing, and we keep going.
At the same time we can use the pain as a vehicle for coming closer to G-d. We can cry in pain, but we cry to him, and with his help grow past the hardship, become stronger and continue to live a life filled with purpose.
As far as the concept of trusting G-d’s plan, I remembered a very powerful story I came across a few years ago.
It goes back a few hundred years to a village in Eastern Europe. There was a couple who had been married for many years and had not yet had any children. They tried everything, and nothing helped. One day they heard of a great Chassidic Rabbi whose blessings brought miracles, and they went to see him. He told them you’re not ready yet. Come back in a year. So they worked on themselves, grew spiritually, and came back after a year. They begged him for a blessing. He said I can give you the blessing, but you must remember that G-d runs the world, He has a plan for everything and everyone. Are you willing to submit yourselves to His plan? They said yes. He gave them the blessing. A year later, they celebrated the birth of a son. The house was filled with tremendous joy, and they quickly got busy with this new chapter in their life. One day, a few months later, they checked on the baby after a nap, and he wasn’t breathing. He had passed away. What a tragedy. There was the burial, the shiva. They were heartbroken. And then they remembered what the great Rabbi said to them, and they went to seek him out again. They told him what happened, and he nodded sadly upon hearing the news. After some minutes of silence, the Rabbi said he wanted to tell them a story. It happened many years ago. There was a royal family with one son, the prince, who was the apple of their eye. Obviously, they only wanted the best for him. And they always hired the best tutors and instructors. As he got older, they were having a hard time finding a teacher. They found their man. He taught the boy and grew very close with him. They gave him an office in the castle, and every morning he would go there, lock himself in the room, with no exceptions. And he had one rule, under no circumstance was the prince allowed to enter without permission. One day, his curiosity got the better of him, and he unlocked the door, and there was his teacher with black straps around his arms and wearing a white prayer shawl with fringes. He had no idea what was going on. He had never met a Jew before. This was a Christian Royal family. What’s going on? He said I’ll tell you but you must swear to secrecy. He did. He told him he was Jewish, and over the next while he taught him what Judaism was about. The Prince eventually said he wanted to convert. The teacher said you can’t, we’ll both be killed. So one day the Prince just ran away. He ran to a village far away, converted, and lived the rest of his life as a Jew. He passed away at an old age. And as his soul entered heaven a voice said ‘everyone move over for this lofty soul’. But another voice called out and said ‘wait, a soul of this stature still has another lofty level to achieve, he never nursed from a Jewish mother’. And this was the end of the story. The Rabbi went silent. And the couple understood that for a few months, they were the guardians of a very lofty soul, that very quickly finished its journey here. Before they left, the Rabbi gave them another blessing, and a year later, they had another son, one who lived to a ripe old age.
The message behind the story is very clear. In this world, we see a tiny sliver of what’s really going on. A tiny thread of a great tapestry. Ultimately G-d has a plan for everything and everyone, and there are things that will happen that are out of our control. And that leaves us with two jobs. 1) Not to worry, because there’s a plan. 2) To do what is within our control, to become bigger, better, loftier, just like the prince in the story. That has always been the Jewish path forward.
Destruction of the 1st Temple
The Talmud offers one explanation as to why the first Temple was destroyed. It tells us that after the destruction of the first Temple and the exile that followed, the sages and prophets did not know what had caused such a terrible punishment, until God Himself told them that it was because “they left My Torah.” Rav explains that this does not mean they were not learning Torah. Rather, they did not say the blessing on the Torah before learning.
The commentaries find a number of difficulties with this. Why were the people punished so severely for the relatively minor sin of not saying the blessing on the Torah? Moreover, this piece of Talmud seems to contradict another part of the Talmud which states that the first Temple was destroyed because of murder, idol worship, and immorality.
The Maharal addresses these problems. He writes that it is impossible to understand the Talmud literally, that they were not saying the blessing on the Torah. Rather, they did not say the blessing with the proper intentions. When a person says the blessing on the Torah, he should focus on his great love and gratitude toward God for giving him the tremendous gift of the Torah. The Jews of the generation did say the blessing. However, they did not focus on their love of God when saying it.
The Maharal proceeds to explain how this subtle failing was the root of the terrible sins that led to the destruction of the Temple. If a person focuses sufficiently on God in his learning, he merits tremendous Divine Help in avoiding sin, and even if he does falter, it enables him to repent without great difficulty. Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner writes that this is what the Rabbis mean when they say that “the light of Torah returns a person to goodness.” However, if one does not connect to God through his learning, he loses that Divine help, and if he falters, he is far more likely to become trapped in a downward spiral of sin.
Based on this explanation, we can resolve the contradiction between the two parts of the Talmud. The Temple was destroyed because of the terrible sins of murder, worshiping idols and immorality. However, the failure to say the blessing on the Torah with the proper attitude was the root of the deterioration of the Jewish people to the point where people were sinning so greatly. Because they didn’t connect to God properly, they lost their Divine help and consequently fell prey to the powerful temptations of the evil inclination.
The Three Weeks is a time to reflect on the various causes of the destruction of the Temple. A key area to work on is maintaining a constant awareness of God during one’s Torah study and fulfilment of other mitzvot. By doing so, Maharal teaches, each of us will have great Divine help in avoiding the other sins that caused the destruction. May we all be privileged to see the rebuilding of the Temple speedily in our days.
