Allow me to introduce you to two guys who you would think live identical lives; David and John. They both grew up in the same suburb of Cleveland, OH, and as such, they both attended the same elementary school and high school. They both played on the varsity basketball team, and neither of them was on the starting five. They both went to Ohio State, where they became brothers in the same fraternity. They both ended up dating girls from the same sorority, and marrying them, Mazal Tov, and they each had two children, a girl first and then a boy two years later.
They bought houses in the same subdivision, where every house is the same 3600 sqft Colonial, the same layout, and the same 2.5 car garage. They even both work for the same company, Merrill Lynch where they both do wealth management. But if you followed them around for a day, and I’ll take you on that tour, you would discover that their differences are greater than what unites them.
David wakes up at 6:45am, and the first thing he hears is the soft snoring of his wife. “Why doesn’t she use those snoring strips I bought her? She sounds like a lumberjack sawing wood!!” He gets out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom, and the first thing that catches his eye is the toothpaste, “She can’t even put the cap back on the toothpaste! It’s disgusting! There’s so much bacteria floating around and it’s all landing on the open toothpaste!!”
He showers, gets dressed and goes downstairs, and almost trips on his daughter’s backpack at the foot of the stairs. “What’s wrong with kids these days, they think they are the only people on the planet! I’ve told her a million times to put away her backpack!!” He puts up a pot of coffee, and goes into the fridge to get the milk, and he can’t believe it. “How many times do I need to tell him, you can’t put the milk back in the fridge if there’s almost nothing left!! All he needs to do is tell us that the milk is empty, and we’ll buy a new one! Now I need to waste time going to Starbucks, and waste $5 on a stupid coffee!”
The line at Starbucks is almost out the door, and David is quietly seething the entire time. He gets to the counter, orders a caramel macchiato, and practically snatches it out of the barista’s hand when it’s finally ready. “She probably wants me to thank her too! I waited 14 minutes for this drink and they charged me $4.87 for a coffee!? She should be thanking me!” Now that he had to detour, traffic is backed up on the highway, and he spends most of the drive to work yelling to himself about how bad all the drivers around him are.
He stumbles to his desk and 9:08, angry that he’s late, and sure enough by 9:12 his phone is wringing. Of course it’s Mrs. Goldstein, from Boca Raton, FL.
“Hi Mrs. Goldstein, how can I help you today?”
“You lost your password again? Didn’t we talk about this just last week? It’s taped onto the bottom of your keyboard, remember? Listen, you really can’t be calling me every day about this, I’m really busy, and it’s not fair of you to keep bothering me for your password, OK?”
You can imagine the rest of David’s day. But let’s go four doors over to John’s house.
John wakes up at 6:45am, and the first thing he hears is the soft snoring of his wife. “How did I get so lucky to marry that woman?! She’s amazing! I love that soft snore, it’s so comforting to wake up next to her! He gets out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom, and the first thing that catches his eye is the toothpaste, “Oy, Sara works so hard for the family, a full day at work and then she comes homes and makes dinner and does so much, she must have been exhausted last night, and didn’t even notice that she forgot to cap the toothpaste, I’ll take out a little and cap it so she doesn’t get any germs!”
He showers, gets dressed and goes downstairs, and almost trips on his daughter’s backpack at the foot of the stairs. “Wow, that girl takes her schooling so seriously, where does she get it from, I know I wasn’t nearly as studious, she’s amazing!!” He puts up a pot of coffee, and goes into the fridge to get the milk, and notices that there’s almost no milk in the container. “I do need to make sure he let’s us know when the milk is done, but I’m just so thankful he’s drinking milk, it used to be impossible to get him to eat anything healthy! I think I’m going to treat myself to a Starbucks today!
John gets to the counter, after schmoozing with a few people in line, orders a caramel macchiato, and thanks the barista emphatically, “I feel so bad for her, she’s working so hard to get everyone’s drink just perfect, and most people treat her like she doesn’t exist!” Now that he had to detour, traffic is backed up on the highway, so he turns on his favorite podcast on economics, “If I’m going to be in my car, I might as well learn something!”
He get to his desk at 9:08, and sure enough by 9:12 his phone is wringing. Of course, it’s Mrs. Goldstein, from Boca Raton, FL.
“Hi Mrs. Goldstein, how are you? It’s so nice to hear from you! How did your grandson’s Bar Mitzvah go?”
(Four minutes later…)
“I’m so glad to hear the Bar Mitzva went well, you have such a beautiful family because you raised them right! You lost your password again? No problem! It’s taped onto the bottom of your keyboard, remember? But don’t worry, you can call me anytime, I have so much appreciation to you!! Do you know that you have referred me more business than anyone else? You’re the best, call me anytime!”
David and John, externally identical, internally opposite. One is filled with joy and happiness, the other bitter and miserable.
That tells you the what, but more important is the how. How is John joyful all the time, and what causes David to be mired in misery? If G-d can call upon us to, “Serve the Lord with joy, (Psalms 100:2)” there must be a recipe, it must be a choice. The secret is context. In what chapter did King David choose to introduce us to this fundamentally important calling, to serve G-d with joy? In the Psalm of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the how. Increase your gratitude and you will be happier. There is no more linear equation than that.
We are introduced to gratitude in the Torah when Leah names her fourth son Yehuda (Genesis 29:35), “this time I will thank the Lord.” Leah realized she was getting more than she deserved and broke out in spontaneous thanks. The grateful person is constantly recognizing that he’s getting more than he deserves, and he’s a happy man because he’s getting gifts all day long! The ingrate is never getting enough, people are always taking advantage of him, and he’s miserable because all day long he’s being getting cheated all day long.
Fortunately, Judaism is a veritable training ground of gratitude. From the blessings we make on everything we eat, beautiful sights we see, wonderful aromas we smell, or even the mitzvahs we’re fortunate to do, we are constantly reminding ourselves of how blessed we truly are. When we’re blessed, when we’re always getting gifts, we are happy, and not just a pleasure to be around, but a pleasure to be.
Parsha Dvar Torah
This week’s Parsha begins with the reward given to Pinchas. Pinchas glorified G-d by killing one of the leaders of the tribe of Shimon who was publicly committing adultery and idolatry with a princess from Midian. The Midianite people had sent their daughters to seduce the Jews. At the moment of their highest vulnerability, the women would entice the Jewish men to serve the Midianite Gods. Pinchas, with his quick and violent action, brought the people back to their senses.
The parsha begins: “The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: Pinchas, the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the kohen has turned My anger away from the children of Israel by his zealously avenging Me among them…Therefore, say, “I hereby give him My covenant of peace.” (Numbers, 25:12)
For a man who committed a zealous and violent act, peace seems an incongruous reward. The Talilei Oros quotes the Steipler Gaon (1899-1985, Ukraine-Israel) who explains the following idea. Normally peace is a diametrically opposed to zealousness, and one who acts zealously is liable to lose any sense of peace. However, Pinchas’ zealousness did not come from anger, but from a deep love for G-d and a desire to stop the devastating spiritual downslide the tribal leader was causing with his brazen public idolatry and adultery.
G-d therefore assured him that he would not lose his sense of peacefulness through this act, but would instead be rewarded with more peace.
Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.. a time to plant and a time to uproot that which is planted… A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time of wailing and a time of dancing… a time to keep and a time to cast away… a time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
In today’s world there is often a push to paint everything with broad, over-arching strokes that are actually quite dangerous. We want peace everywhere, all the time, and would rather look the other way at the people who don’t want peace and are attacking us. We want to be happy all the time, and find ways to make even a funeral a happy event, murmuring platitudes like “Charlie would have wanted this to be a real party.” We want to shower our children with kindness all the time. We want our whole world to be painted in vibrant, cheerful colors all the time.
Judaism believes that there is time and a place for everything. The only way we can feel true joy is if we can also experience sadness. The only way we can be truly kind to our children is if we sometimes discipline them. The only way we can have peace in the world is if people occasionally act violently to stop that which threatens the peace.
Even though Pinchas acted violently, it was done for the right reasons. Therefore G-d assured him that this will not make him into a violent person, but rather a person who has a greater appreciation for what true peace really is.
Parsha Summary
This week begins with the reward given to Pinchas who glorified G-d by eradicating one of the leaders of the tribe of Shimon who was publicly committing adultery with a princess from Midian. The Midianite people had sent their daughters to seduce the Jews. At the moment of their highest vulnerability, the women would entice the Jewish men to serve the Midianite Gods. Pinchas, with his quick action, brought the people back to their senses. The reward Pinchas received was the ability to join the ranks of the Kohanim, the people whose entire raison d’etre is to bring people closer to G-d by cleansing them of the negative effects of their sins. After this incident, the Jews went to war with the Midianites, in retribution for the spiritual war the Midianites waged against the Jews.
If you remember in the beginning of the Book of Bamidbar (Numbers), there was a major census taken of all the Jews. That was at the beginning of the Jew’s forty years in the desert. Now, at the end of their 40 year journey, G-d commands Moshe to take another census. Why was another census necessary? A number of reasons are given. First, just like a shepherd counts his sheep after a wolf attacks, so too G-d, after forty years and a number of punitive plagues, counts the Jews to see how many remained. In addition, just as Moshe counted the people at the beginning of his leadership, now that his watch was about to end, he counts them again before returning his flock to their master.
Another purpose of the census was to count the people by family, as this would determine their portions when they entered Israel. At this point, the daughters of Tzelafchad came before Moshe to make a request. They were from a family with only women, five of them to be exact. Their father had died, and they were concerned that with no men to represent them, their family would get no portion in Israel. Moshe, after a quick consultation with G-d, told them not to worry, as they would get a portion of the Land of Israel in lieu of their father. (Here is an interesting note: 2000 years ago, Jews were the most liberal nation in the world in regards to women’s rights. They gave women land, offered them many forms of protection in the case of divorce or death of a spouse, and gave them equal protection under law. Today, people look at Orthodoxy and claim that it represses women. It is important to try to understand the Orthodox position before judging them, in light of their record of being the foremost champion of women’s rights for thousands of years.) Once dealing with laws of inheritance, the Torah here summarizes the Jewish laws of bequest and inheritance.
The Torah, now close to wrapping up the narrative of the Jew’s desert experience, tells of G-d informing Moshe that he will die imminently and he therefore has to pass the mantle of leadership onto his principal pupil, Joshua. The Parsha then concludes with a list of the sacrifices brought on all the various festivals. That’s all Folks!
Quote of the Week: A well spent day brings happy sleep. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci
Random Fact of the Week: There are 132 Hawaiian Islands.
Funny Line of the Week: I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
Have a Splendalicious Shabbos,
R’ Leiby Burnham
