“Quit while you’re ahead” is one of the simple but wise rules of life. But for David Kime Jr., the rule was a bit different, it went something like this, “Don’t quit even when you’re dead.” David, a longtime resident of York, PA, had a lifelong love of cheeseburgers and he didn’t let death stop him from consuming his favorite food. David went down to the grave with a Burger King Whopper on top, extra mayo and pickles on the side.
David Kime Jr. was a lot of things. He was a father, a grandfather, a husband, a World War II vet, and a Purple Heart Recipient, but the way he chose to leave take his final journey on earth was not with a military funeral, not with a quiet family focused funeral service, but rather with one last trip to the local Burger King. His hearse pulled up to the drive through window, he got a Whopper Jr. (the full size Whopper had too many calories), and so did everyone in his funeral procession. And while everyone ate theirs in the car, he had his placed above his casket as he was lowered into the ground.
His daughter Linda Phiel eulogized him saying that “He always lived by his own rules,” she said. “His version of eating healthy was the lettuce on the Whopper Jr.” She spoke of his lifelong love of fast food, and how he chose to live his life his way, despite the attempts of his family to get him to eat healthy. “But he considered us health freaks because we ate things that were green, like broccoli.” And now he can spend eternity with the thing he loved most, a toasted white roll, burger patty, mayo, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, and cheese.
Jews have had a similar but also totally different custom for thousands of years. When a great rabbi dies, his funeral often stops at the yeshiva or study hall in which he spent thousands of hours studying Torah and counseling people to live a more exalted life. It too is a way of commemorating the way that person chose to live his life. However, it seems that not all funeral stops are created equal. One speaks of a moral choice to dedicate their life to a higher purpose, and one speaks of a choice to never eat broccoli.
It used to be that funerals were the time when people could move away from the frivolous, when the resounding finality of death would “wake” people up to the value of life. It was a time when people would overlook the mundane parts of someone’s life, and focus on the things that were more elevated; the deceased’s kindness, love, charity, volunteerism, dedication to family, and spirituality. It was a place and time to celebrate how a loved one fulfilled life’s mission of “Leave this world a little better than you found it.”
But more and more, funerals are becoming venues to highlight areas of life that did not make the world a better place at all. Themed funerals are a growing trend in the USA, with sports, food, and hobbies taking the focus away from kindness, love, and giving.
Caskets licensed by the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL, with logos and team colors, are growing more common, but that is where only where the sports theme starts. At the recent wake of a Pittsburgh man, his body was reclining in a Lazy Boy, covered in his favorite Steelers blanket, propped as if he was watching the TV in front of him, which played a loop of great moments in Steelers football. A Dallas woman was recently buried in a Dallas Cowboy’s coffin of silver and blue, dressed in a custom made Cowboy’s jersey, Cowboy’s socks, and Cowboy’s pants (Cowboy’s tennis shoes were not allowed as the dead are not buried in shoes…?) Everyone at the funeral wore Cowboy’s clothes, and even the minister wore a Cowboy’s jersey under his suit jacket. “It was such a big part of her life, why not be part of her sendoff too?” explained her daughter.
Aggie Field of Honor is a burial place for Texas A and M football fans. The graves are pointed to the nearby stadium and the deceased can hear the roar of the crowd and “participate in the sports activities even after death.” One family asked for a memorial service on the 18th green of their father’s favorite golf course, “because that’s where dad was instead of church on Sunday mornings, so why are we going to church,” Mr. Duffey, the funeral concierge service operator explained, “Line up his buddies, and hit balls.”
A New York Times article titled “It’s my Funeral and I’ll Serve Ice Cream if I Want To” highlighted that it is not only sports that are celebrated. People today are looking for novelty in their sendoffs and want to highlight what was important in their life. They look to control every aspect of their funerals, from waiters passing out chocolate covered marshmallows on silver trays to elaborate parties at country clubs or favorite restaurants.
People are dying for innovation, so creatively shaped and painted caskets have seen a surge in recent years. Caskets that resemble shoes, iPhones, guitar cases, chocolate truffles, couches, and Nintendo Gameboy’s are only the tip of the iceberg (and yes, you can get the iceberg coffin too!). Even the largest and most conservative casket maker has turned to themed services: “Batesville now helps undertakers offer themed services, such as “Cool Jazz” funerals, gold plated caskets, or the “Outdoorsman” package which includes a coffin outfitted like a hunting lodge, complete with gun rack, bear skin rug, and elk antlers.”
In a way, you can’t fault people for wanting these services, if the theme of the funeral is truly what defined the life of the person who passed. But we have to wonder, is it something to be proud of when’s someone’s life was defined by love of a sports team, electronic gadgets, shoes, or hunting? Where is the “Leave the world a better place than you found it” in that? Shouldn’t a person’s family play a larger role in their legacy than a cheeseburger?
The Talmud, (Shabbos 153A) records a teaching from Rabbi Eliezer, “Repent one day before you die.” His students asked him, “Does a man know the day of his death?” He replied that what he meant was that a person should live their life repenting for and fixing previous mistakes because we never know when we’re going to die. Rabbi Eliezer was telling his students that we can’t know when our legacy is going to be sealed, so we need to live our entire lives acting out the legacy we want to leave behind, a legacy of integrity, sincerity, and a constant striving for betterment.
Henry David Thoreau encapsulated this idea in his enjoinder not to live life “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” This is not to say that one can’t enjoy sports, hobbies, shopping or electronic gadgets, but more a question of how much of our lives it consumes. Every day we build our eternity, every day we create another stone in the monument to our lives.
If we begin each day asking ourselves “What will my monument look like?” we will decidedly live our lives more fully, more focused, and more fruitfully.
This, as always, is how I look at this issue. I’d love to hear how you look it at, so please email me with your thoughts!
Parsha Dvar Torah
This week’s Parsha starts with the arrival of Yisro, Moshe’s father-in-law to the Jew’s encampment in the desert. When Moshe came to Egypt he sent back his wife and children to Midian so as not to bring more people into a land committing atrocities against the Jews. Now, after the Jews were freed, Moshe’s father-in-law came to joint them, bringing with him Moshe’s wife and children. When he got there, he converted, and joined the Jewish people.
The events leading up to Yisro’s arrival are described in the first verse of the parsha. “Now Moses’ father in law, Yisro, the chieftain of Midian, heard all that God had done for Moses and for Israel, His people that the Lord had taken Israel out of Egypt.” (Exodus 18:1) Rashi asks what exactly it was that Yisro heard which prompted him to come to the desert and join the Jews, instead of just sending his daughter and grandchildren. He answers that he heard about the splitting of the sea and the war that the Jews had fought with Amalek.
One part of this answer seems to makes perfect sense, while the other seems troubling. G-d splitting a sea and allowing the Jews to walk through on dry land is something spectacular, and a good reason for someone to come and join the nation. But the fact that they had fought a war with Amalek and won doesn’t seem to be such a compelling reason for a person to uproot himself from a land where he is well respected and come out to the desert and join a new nation! If Rashi had told us that Yisro heard about the splitting sea and the 10 plagues, or the splitting sea and the exodus from Egypt, I would understand, but what is so significant about the war with Amalek that Rashi tells us that this caused Yisro to radically change his life?
An answer offered is that Yisro realized that if a nation is so desperate to go after Israel as to attack them in a Kamikaze fashion so soon after they got out of Egypt, that nation must have something of value, and he wanted to have it too. A simple analogy would be watching how much protection an item of value needs and to what great lengths thieves will go to try to circumvent the security procure the item. Thieves don’t round up sophisticated gangs to rob the local fruit store, but they will devote an enormous amount of resources, and even risk their lives, in order to get at a vault containing numerous precious gems and diamonds.
Yisro noted that Amalek came to attack the Jews right after they were saved from Egypt, and he realized that the Jews must have something special. In truth, this is the biggest lesson in Jewish history. Why is it that the Jews have always been persecuted, attacked, and threatened? Is it just because this nation of extraordinary people has really bad luck again, and again, and again, and again, and again? No, it is not our bad luck that brings all this down upon us, rather it is the incredible gift that we have, the Torah, and our unique relationship with G-d that causes the hatred of the other nations. Subconsciously, other nations know that we have the gold, that we have the sparkling diamonds of the world, and persecute us in a hope that they can snuff it out so that no one will have it.
Of course, our job is to make it shine so brightly that everyone either tries to join us (like Yisro did), or at least aids us in out mission of carrying it aloft. May G-d bless us with those days speedily in our time!
Parsha Summary
This week’s Parsha starts with the arrival of Yisro, Moshe’s father-in-law. Yisro’s biggest contribution to the Jewish people was the judging system which he instituted. He noticed that Moshe would sit all day judging people, while the line of those waiting to see him grew and grew. Yisro told Moshe that this system would burn out both Moshe and the people. He suggested that Moshe create a hierarchy of judges, with the most minor judges only responsible for 10 people, the next over 50, 100, and finally 1,000 people. The big questions and cases that couldn’t be dealt with by those judges would come to Moshe.
Moshe asked G-d, and with G-d’s permission, he appointed judges who met the following criteria; G-d fearing, accomplished, despises money, and men of integrity. He appointed them according to the positions mentioned above, and the new judicial system ran as smoothly as butter on a hot skillet!
The next part of the Parsha deals with the Jews’ arrival at Mount Sinai, and the revelation they experiences there. I will break the events down by days.
Day 1: The Jews arrive at Mount Sinai with a unity that is unmatched in their entire 40 years in the desert.
Day 2: Moshe goes up the mountain to talk to G-d. G-d tells him to tell the Jews that they have seen G-d’s miracles and His affection for them, and now He is making them an offer. If they want, they can accept the Torah and become a “Treasured Nation,” but they have to remember that it comes with a lot of responsibilities. Moshe comes down and tell the people who respond with a unanimous, “Whatever G-d says we will do!”
Day 3: Moshe goes back up, and delivers the Jews’ answer (G-d already knew it, but this teaches us that when one is sent to deliver a message they should always bring back the reply). G-d tells Moshe that He will speak from within a dark cloud to Moshe, but all the people would hear Him talking, and this would be a way for the people to know that Moshe was a true prophet. Moshe goes down and tells the people.
Day 4: Moshe ascends the mountain again and tells G-d that the people want to hear G-d talking directly to them. They said that hearing from an emissary doesn’t compare to hearing from a king! G-d tells Moshe to go back and tell the people to prepare for two days (by purifying themselves), for on the third G-d would talk to them. He also warns them not to touch the mountain or try to climb it, as it has a special holiness. Moshe gives the message, but, according to one view in the Talmud, he adds a third day of purification (this is the topic of some very deep insights, but it’s not within the scope of our Parsha Summary).
Day 5: Moshe builds an altar at the bottom of the mountain, as well as twelve pillar as monuments. He brings sacrifices on the altar and eats with the people.
Day 6: On this day, according to some, the revelation took place. According to others this was the extra day of preparation that Moshe added.
Day 7: G-d reveals himself in all His glory to the people. They hear Him talking directly to them and speaking out the first two of the Ten Commandments (which would be more appropriately translated as the Ten Statements). The event is too powerful for the mortal humans to handle, and the people ask that Moshe tell them the last 8 instead of having G-d directly speaking to them. This is the only time in all of recorded history where G-d spoke to a mass assembly. Never, ever, has any other religion even claimed this. (This is one of the proofs of Judaism’s validity over all other faiths in which only individuals such as J.C., Mohammed, the Buddha, or Joseph Smith claim to have had personal revelations.)
Here are the Big Ten:
1. I am the Lord your G-d who took you out of Egypt (belief in one G-d).
2. You may not serve any other gods.
3. You may not take the name of G-d in vain.
4. Keep Shabbos.
5. Honor your mother and father.
6. Don’t kill.
7. Don’t commit adultery.
8. Don’t steal.
9. Don’t testify falsely.
10. Don’t covet that which belongs to others.
After this momentous event, G-d commanded Moshe to tell the people that they had seen and heard G-d speak to them (one of the miracles of the revelation was that people saw sounds), and they had better not make or worship any other deities. He also commanded them to make an alter, but not to use stones hewn with iron. Iron is the material used to fashion weapons, and an altar needs to be a paradigm of peace.
That’s all Folks!
Quote of the Week: Aim at nothing and you will succeed. – A. Gambiner
Random Fact of the Week: Pound for pound, a hummingbird consumes the caloric equivalent of 228 milkshakes per day!
Funny Line of the Week: A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
Have a Snazzy Shabbos,
R’ Leiby Burnham
