by LEIBY BURNHAM | July 11, 2025 6:17 pm
I’m special. So so special. Yes, I’m very very special.
How do I know that, you ask?
First of all, that’s offensive. You questioning me like that is totally discriminatory, and you are probably just jealous of my specialness or a racist. But since you asked, I’ll tell you. I’m special because my parents told me so ever since I was a little kid. I’m special because I did well in school, and at sports. Every time someone tried to stop my exceptionalism, my parents defended it vigorously because they know I’m special. Teachers have been fired for giving me bad grades, Little League coaches have been dismissed for trying to treat me like I’m not special, so I advise you to back down.
I’m special because I’m an individual who is very individualistic, because I have more than 1,000 followers on Instagram AND X, and because I post funny tweets. I’m special because I always have been. If you try to stand in my way, I will trample you. Welcome to my world.
Or rather, welcome to the world of an alarmingly high percentage of college students in today’s world. When 30% of college students agree that if they show up to every class, they automatically deserve at least a B, when people readily admit to not having any feelings of tenderness towards the less fortunate, we know that something strange is brewing in society’s pot.
Narcissism is on the rise, empathy is on the decline, and the reaction has been, well, indifferent. In a recently published meta-analysis, combining the results of 72 different studies, covering 14,000 American college students, the data showed a 40% drop in empathy towards others, with the greatest drop coming in the last decade. People are less likely to try to see the viewpoint of anyone who doesn’t think like them, people are more likely to criticize those who don’t agree with them, and other people’s misfortunes don’t seem to affect the college students of today. Nearly 10 percent of 20-somethings have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, compared with just over 3 percent of the 65-and-over set.
When a flood this week in Texas took the lives of over 120 people with 170 people still missing, social media was flooded with people expressing joy over the deaths, because the people who died were “fascists, who voted for MAGA, and got what they deserved!” The people posting this were not just college students, they included doctors, food bank directors and other working adults!
But when the data is presented at college campuses, the over whelming response has been, “Uh… Duh!” Throughout the audience one can see uniform head nods and knowing grins to one another.
In explaining the lack of empathy, one theory is that the proliferation of violence on TV has numbed people’s feelings for others. (By the time the average US teen turns 16, he has seen 20,000 people killed on TV or in movies!) Another theory states that the social media era, where the algorithms connect you with more people who are already in line with your thinking and amplify the most extreme views which generate the greatest response, moves people to a greater sense tribalism, where people on your side are good and deserve everything, and people on the other side deserve death, dismemberment, or worse. Nuance is lost, complexity is ignored, and the whole world becomes with you or against you, and you couldn’t care less about anyone against you, they’re all fascists and Nazis anyway.
However, the dominant theory regarding the rise in narcissim is that it is caused by the feeling of exceptionalism imbued in children by their parents with from cradle to career. Children who constantly hear they are the best, the most wonderful, the most beautiful, the smartest, the sports star, The Super, The Mega, or even The Ultra, without it being linked to any real achievements, begin to really believe it, and begin to see themselves as the center of the universe.
Parents will often fight to protect their child’s exceptionalism, arguing with anybody, be it school faculty, sports coaches, camp directors or neighbors to get their child the edge they want. (I taught high school for ten years and can’t tell you how many times I’ve dealt with abusive, threatening parents demanding better grades for their children who missed classes, didn’t hand in work, or failed multiple tests!) Students are having tutors do their homework and experts writing their college essays, but when they get into a top-tier college, everyone tells them how great they are. If that doesn’t feed narcissistic insanity, I’m not sure what does.
“Many people see the current group of college students — sometimes called ‘Generation Me’ — as one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history,” says Sara Konrath, one of the researchers who published the study. Her colleague, Edward O’Brien, adds, “It’s not surprising that this growing emphasis on the self is accompanied by a corresponding devaluation of others.”
How does Judaism relate to the emphasis on self? It is clear that Judaism is not pro-narcissism, but how do we instill confidence without ego, individualism without self centeredness?
Judaism certainly doesn’t shy away from recognizing the power of the individual. The Mishna (Sanhedrin 4:5) famously states that, “One is required to say the ‘world was created for me.’” This statement speaks of the enormous importance each person has in Judaism, to the point that the entire creation would have been worthwhile even if that one individual was the only human created. Yet Judaism steers us away from the pitfall of narcissism and ego by posturing a person’s individual greatness as something that gives him awesome responsibility and not special rights or privileges.
The Torah perspective on success is that we attribute it almost entirely to Hashem, and use it to bring a greater sense of responsibility to ourselves. As the Mishan says in Ethics of Our Fathers (2:8), “Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai received from Hillel and Shammai. He used to say: if you have learned much Torah, do not claim credit for yourself, because for such a purpose were you created.” Your success is viewed as you simply doing what you were given the gifts to do.
Chovos Halevavos, Duties of the Heart, by Rabbeinu Bachya Ibn Pakuda (1050-1120), a seminal work on how people should view themselves and their obligations, explains in the Gate of Faith (Chapter 4), that one of the reasons that the Torah doesn’t explicitly describe the reward of Gan Eden, is because even when a person does all the Mitzvos properly, he still doesn’t deserve that reward, that is merely him paying back part of the debt that he owes to Hashem for creating and sustaining him. G-d does give reward, but only out of his own Divine Kindness, not because He owes it to you.
The Talmud (Kiddushin 40b) says that one should try to see the entire world as if it is exactly balanced exactly between good and bad, and his next action is going to be the one that tips the world into either direction. Living life with this construct is enormously empowering but in a way that builds empathy, boosts compassion, and heightens people’s sensitivity to the effect of their actions on others. (Next time you have a moral dilemma, try to imagine the whole world waiting on your decision; it is truly a powerful experience! Email me the results!)
Recognizing just how many times we didn’t roll the world in the right direction humbles us, and keeps the narcissism at bay. But even if we’ve made multiple mistakes, the proper perspective is to view the whole world as standing on our NEXT action. This gives us the confidence to get up after repeated failures and keep pushing, where many others would have had their egos bruised too badly, and would have checked out.
Somehow, Judaism manages to show us our immense potential and greatness, but only through a healthy and empowering lens.
Perhaps I am special. Yes, I’m very special. Because G-d created me with tremendous abilities to do and give. Therefore, I’m responsible to use that talents to bring more light and goodness into the world. So, what can I do for you?
Parsha Dvar Torah
In this week’s parsha we read about Bilaam, the gentile prophet who embarks on a journey to curse the Jews. As his donkey is meandering along the road, it notices an angel blocking the path with a drawn sword. Immediately, the donkey reprograms his GPS and tries to take a detour through the fields. Bilaam, who can’t see the angel, beats his donkey, berating him for leaving the road. After similar events occur two more times, the donkey miraculously talks back to Bilaam and rebukes him sharply. G-d then opens Bilaam’s eyes and lets him see the angel. He then finally understands what has been causing the donkey to deviate from normal traveling procedures.
Let us study the sequence that led up to this whole showdown with the angel. After clearly seeing that G-d did not want him to curse the Jews, Bilaam persisted in asking again, and finally G-d gave him permission. As he set out on his journey, the Torah tells us, “G-d showed anger because he [Bilaam] went, and an angel of G-d placed himself in the way to thwart him, as he was riding on his donkey accompanied by his two attendants.” (Numbers 22:22) Rashi (1040-1105 CE, France), the primary commentator on the Chumash, tells us a bit about this angel. On the words “to thwart him” Rashi comments, “He was an angel of mercy, who wanted to prevent him from sinning, so that he would not sin and perish.”
The Oznaim Latorah (written by Rabbi Zalman Sorotzkin, 1881-1966, Lithuania/Israel) points out something interesting. This angel was brandishing a sword and threatening to kill Bilaam. Most people would see him as a frightening, angry, and disciplinarian angel. But Rashi is telling us that he was actually an angel of mercy trying to save Bilaam. Not everything is what it seems to be. Sometimes the person feeding you honey can be poisoning you, while the person forcing vile tasting medicine down your throat can be saving your life. It is a matter of pulling back and looking at the big picture.
This angel of mercy teaches us that sometimes (and only sometimes) the most merciful thing we can do is to be a strict disciplinarian. In dealing with our children it will give them structure, and will help them learn to build stable patterns that will last them their entire lives. In dealing with ourselves it can help us stick to a diet, finish projects we really need to finish, or push ourselves to constantly grow and strive for more.
Ultimately, we can let the donkey keep plodding down Dangerous Lane, but we would be much better off recognizing the caring of the AWBS (Angel Who Brandishes a Sword), and heeding his kind message before we end up having to take rebuke from a donkey!
Parsha Summary
This week’s parsha, Balak, tells the story of the great gentile prophet Bilaam and his nefarious dealings with the Moabite king Balak. The Midrash tell us that the gentiles complained to G-d, claiming that if only they would have prophets like the Jews have, they too would lead more G-dly lives. G-d responds by giving them a prophet Bilaam, who was equal to Moshe in his power of prophecy. However, Bilaam did not use his gift for the betterment of mankind as Moshe did, rather he used it to acquire fame and fortune for himself.
Balak was the ad hoc king of Moab, who was installed to defend the Moabites from the Jews who had just destroyed two of the strongest nations in Moab’s neighborhood. Realizing that no army was big enough to fight the Jews, Balak looked to AWMD (Alternative Weapons of Mass Destruction), such as curses from a prophet. He sent a large delegation to Bilaam asking him to curse the Jewish people. Bilaam tells the delegation that he needs to sleep on it (he would communicate with G-d while sleeping), and asks them to spend the night. That night G-d tells him not to go curse the Jews, as they are a blessed people.
Bilaam tells the delegation that he cannot go as, “G-d refused permission for me to go with you” thus hinting that the problem was with the delegation, as they were not important enough. Sure enough, Balak sends another delegation, composed of more prestigious members of his court. This time, G-d tells Bilaam that he can go with them as long as he realizes that he will only be able to say what G-d puts in his mouth. This shows us that ultimately G-d will allow us to follow our will, even if we’re making a big mistake.
While Bilaam is traveling, G-d sends an angel in the path which only Bilaam’s donkey can see (this is supposed to teach Bilaam how blinded he is by his desire for honor, – even a donkey can see more clearly than him). The donkey first tries to detour into the fields, later he brushes up against a wall, and finally he stops moving alltogether. Bilaam hits him each time, until finally G-d opens the mouth of the donkey, and he says to Bilaam, “Why are you hitting me? Did I not serve you faithfully your entire life? Have I ever done this before?” Only then does G-d open Bilaam’s eyes and he sees the angel, and understands his donkey’s actions. The angel reminds Bilaam that he can only say exactly what G-d puts in his mouth.
Finally, Bilaam and Balak go out to the camp of the Jews. Bilaam tells Balak to set up seven altars on which Bilaam will bring sacrifices in the hope of enticing G-d to allow him to curse the people. (Think about it – he is bringing sacrifices to G-d, to get permission to curse G-d children! It’s like bringing a parent $100,000 to kill their firstborn! Could any action possibly contain more gall than that? And what are the chances that it would work?!! But Bilaam is blinded by fame and fortune, and fails to see the folly of his false and fallacious scheme!)
Of course, G-d does not allow him to curse the Jews, and instead puts beautiful praises of the Jewish people in the mouth of Bilaam. Balak, very frustrated, suggests that possibly if Bilaam tries to curse them from a vantage point where he only sees part of the Jewish nation he will be more successful, but again Bilaam praises them eloquently. Again Balak persists, and requests that Bilaam try to curse them from a third location. This time, when he sees the Jewish tents laid out before him, Bilaam doesn’t even try to curse them, but rather blesses them of his own volition. (This blessing is such a poetic praise of the Jewish people that it has become part of the morning prayers.)
Balak tells Bilaam that he better catch the next plane out, as he failed miserably at his mission. But before he leaves, Bilaam gives Balak a strategy for destroying the Jews. He explains that the G-d of the Jews hates sexual immorality, and suggests that Moab send their maidens into the camp to seduce the men, and use their sensuality to coerce the men to not only sin sexually, but even go as far as idolatry. When a man would be at his most vulnerable moment, she was to pull out a small idol, and tell the man that she would only continue if he worshipped it.
This diabolical plan actually works, and thousands of Jews were seduced. It got so bad that the prince of the tribe of Shimon was seduced by a princess (imagine the hatred of Moab – they sent their princess out on a mission like this!). He began to publicly justify his actions, and went as far as to sin publicly in front of Moshe and the Elders at the entrance to the Tabernacle. A plague broke out amongst the sinners, and they started dying. Immediate action was called for, before this would spread to the whole nation. Pinchas, the grandson of Aaron, stepped up to the task at hand, took a spear, and killed the princess and her paramour, the prince of the tribe of Shimon. After that, the plague stopped, leaving 24,000 dead. On that happy note – That’s all, Folks!
Quote of the Week: If you want a place in the sun, you’ve got to put up with a few blisters. –G. Yelnats
Random Fact of the Week: A neutrino is a particle so small it is capable of passing through a light year (about six trillion miles) of lead without hitting a single atom.
Funny Line of the Week: I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
Have a Sublime Shabbos,
R’ Leiby Burnham
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